Norway the Hotdog diaries

Day 1
After months of staring at a computer screen obsessing over routes and penny pinching ideas it’s time to get going. The mutleystrada is packed and being Italian polished to near death. Important things like tyres ,fluids levels and fault codes have had a cursory glance in between polishing.The 1st challenge is getting past Worcester as they’ve decided to move a bridge. I’ve got a sat nav but let’s be honest who really trusts them? No I’ve lived here all of 5 minutes have my own internal gps and Harwich is east so east it is. A lap of honour around Redditch followed by a cruise through Evesham and I eventually end up on the A14 towards Harwich which may as well be el dorado as 3 hours later it’s still far away. Finally I arrive and realise it’s probably best if it is far away...from everything.

The mutleystrada and thats not Harwich.

The ferry
Tie downs, ratchet straps or rope either way if I’m left to my own devices the bikes gonna look like a cats cradle. Various other riders are using bits of rug and jackets to protect their seats but I’ve got a sergeant seat constructed for fat American arses and more importantly a smiling Filipino (he was part of the crew not enough space in the panniers for a man servant)happy to fit the buckle style strap.He probably saw me trip up and thought the sunshine coach had adopted 2 wheels.

Now onboard I’m hungry and notice a large group of Asian people queueing for curry which smells rather nice turns out they’re on a coach trip and have organised food for their party. I did think of joining the queue but may have stood out a bit being quite tall and all. I end up with a plate of meatballs and rice for a tenner and enviously sit amongst the crunch of poppadoms.


                                              Day 2 Holland and Germany 324 miles

Too tight to buy breakfast on the boat and not sure what the Dutch eat for breakfast anyhow I head out towards Hamburg. Now I’m a bit of a spotter and part of this trip is I get to do things which don’t involve having an eye rolling wife in tow (as in bored she’s not lazy eyed) so 1st stop using the new myroute app thing on the Garmin is a museum near Arnhem after dropping into McDonald’s with all the other locals and it turns out we all love breakfast  muff.

It’s already 30°c I’m packed for the Arctic and as well as checking the weather reports I should’ve learnt how to use shaping points on this new app
where Monty failed I soon crossed over into Germany totally bypassing Arnhem and the chance to buy airborne tat.

It’s now 32°c and my jock DNA doesn’t really work in this temperature.Ive got these rokker revolution jeans on and they're waterproof  which is leading to par boiled love spuds. Stop 2 can’t come quick enough and before you know it I’m at the Deutches panzer museum in Munster which amongst the obvious has a British Comet tank and a slightly camp mannequin of a Royal engineer in no 2’s. A truer representation would’ve been lying on the floor with a yellow handbag in one hand and a half eaten kebab in the other. The museum is well worth a visit and is the equivalent of Bovvie.

Hamburg.. oh Lordy

Of course I had to stop here for the err culture and cool metro.The hotel hof hafenberg is my choice for the evening and you could park your bike in the hotel car park.They also give you a little bag with a condom in it and a needle and thread in case you break it. No sign of the hof but it did have a great tower bar and pub. I head over to the Groningen brewery and restaurant where 25€ sees 2 beers and a mountain of pork laced with sauerkraut.

a couple of Hamburg brasses

So the Reeperbahn, I knew I was close when I saw a man in rubber being led on a lead I thought I hadn’t seen any HOG owners yet but it turned out to be a stag do heading for trouble. Apart from the overriding stench of pish and homeless addicts collapsed in the street it was full of rather pushy young ladies asking me to help them upstairs for 30€ I told them I charge at least a hundred for that sort of help and retired to the hotel bar. The strip itself at the top end has a lot of good bars with the lap dancing clubs further down.

                                                         Day 3 U boats and Bacon.  243 miles
                                                                   

One of the joys of owning a multistrada is you never know what error code is going to get thrown up and that’s because most have them disabled for the exhaust servo. I’ve had the Desmo service just short of a grand as a welcome to Ducati and am 3k short of the interim so was quite surprised to see how much oil it had drunk during the blast down the autobahn but worse than that I was beginning to have trouble changing gear so not being mechanically minded I decided the best thing to do was kick the gear selector harder..Sorted

Onto Laboe which has a U boat dragged up on the shore and also has the memorial to all sailors ( it was originally just Germans but post war guilt and the fact we confiscated it changed that). It was around 10€ (no cards)for both and are well worth a visit. The memorial is as you’d expect very solemn in a Teutonic way where you go down the steps into a circular room with a domed window in the centre which allows a shaft of light through. You leave there and can go up the tower if you like there are lifts then a few stairs and great views.

They put a bike in the middle and the GS was born

45€ sees me on the Puttgarden Rodby ferry booking online 2 hours beforehand which saves around 9€. I follow some Danish bikers on and the tie downs are already secured one side and are like seatbelt straps on the other. About an hour later I’m showing my passport and drivers license and am through. It’s not as hot now around 27°c and oddly the gear problem is a bit better. The search for oil has begun though and I phone a bike garage up and they confirm they do sell oil he won’t tell me what sort of oil but then his English is better than my Danish.

I’ve got the oil but his card machine only accepts Danish cards and he won’t take euros seeing as we’re in Denmark, I have to go to Lidl to get money apparently and start queuing behind what turns out to be a bottle recycling bank I don’t have any bottles so just try to look fascinated for a few seconds before running around the corner to the ATM machine where having no idea of the exchange rate or what anything costs and guess 500will do....haha

The oils 93 Danish krone DANISH for a litre and free use of a funnel I don’t have a centre stand so the wobble commences and of course I overfill it no worries the mutely will soon burn it off.30°c again gearbox clunky I can smell bacon and worry it’s my bawbag frying in these jeans. straight up the E47 sees me into Roskilde to stay at Danhostel for 950 Danish krone in my own private room for 2 nights with Bjork and the pet shop boys staring down on me they’ve even stencilled always on my mind to help you sleep better.Dinners a 150...you guessed it kebab from schwarma number1grill.



                                                      Day 4 no bikes just boats

I’m going Viking today or at least hope to the viking ship museum in Roskilde discovered 5 boats which were sunk to acts as barriers and have reconstructed them and you can wander around them see how they’re made and even make your own rope! (if you’re still reading this you probably find that interesting)you have to get there early(10 am opening ) if you want to go out on the boat its extra on top of your standard entry. I was looking forward to this as I like sailing but it was only a 50 minute trip and once onboard kept getting whacked in the back by some old French lady made to row whilst her husband sat and filmed it.

All that rowing makes me hungry and a beer and ribs sets me back 290 DK at the aptly named rib shack. I’m so full up I forgo rape and pillaging and head back to catch up on the Bridge..when in Rome and all that.

not the boat I went in

                                       Day 5 when’s a bridge not a bridge? Roskilde Oslo 400 miles

More sat nav and my own f*ckwittery means I don’t go on the actual bridge but am stuck in the hold of another ferry no tie downs this time and not sure about how choppy it gets. I stay with the bike the gear problem is getting worse it’s near impossible to change down and is surging with the clutch in. The penny beginning to finally drop( for me anyhow you lot probably said this 1st sentence) about it being a clutch issue if only there was an error code to tell me to stop being such a bellend and look at the clutch fluid.

This ferry has cost 20€ to Helsingborg and onboard entertainment is watching a Polish trucker enjoy a strip wash. I’m straight off without stopping with no clutch to speak of and head up the E6
I’m trundling along its now 34°c and I spot my 1st speed camera on a bridge from reading various ride reports speeding in Norway results in bankruptcy so It’s steady as you go I’m still in shock at my 1st hotdog costing 45 Nokia’s so a fine would finish me off. I do get an odd look as I pass but that maybe because my legs are outstretched and wide open for a breeze. I decide if I get stopped like this I’ll explain I’ve lost my Harley.

Oslo slowly appears in rush hour and I’ve been dreading this . I manage to get the bike into 2nd gear and sit in a tunnel in smog thinking weren’t tunnels supposed to be cooler?After a couple of wobbly laps around roundabouts so I don’t have to stop I end up at a hostel called Oslo vandrerhjem hotelkillen. £56 has secured a night in Grange Hill the untold B&B story .It’s an old school and my room although small has its own bathroom whilst in the corridor Hungarian window fitters throw a party.

The clutch
I mentioned earlier I’m not really mechanically minded but luckily for me know a man who is so 1 call later I’m being asked if the fluid is dirtier than an old blokes piss.When I point out I don’t know what old blokes piss should look like the answer is mine apparently. It is and we surmise the fluid is cooked as it works a bit better when the engine has cooled. I google bike garages and find AMD motorcycles Kevin answers and says I can pop around at 7.30in the morning as someone will be there.

Day 6 fluids,boats and heroes Breakfast is thrown in at the hostel Oslo Grange hill but sadly no bangers.

 After another 2nd gear wobble across Oslo I’m met by Simon who happens to be a Scot and the clutch fluids swapped and I’m a happy and thankful rider.







It’s only 8.30 and I’m on a high having the bike sorted so quickly and without fuss it’s odd how something so simple can put the blight on a whole trip.So it’s off to the Viking ship museum in Oslo where I decide to park out of the way in the shade and get changed into something less bulky.








The whole car park is free and empty apart from one car but it turns out I’ve parked where the head of bag searchers likes to park. He sees me and starts reversing as tight as he can next to my bike . He’s either not seen my lid on the floor or doesn’t care and I stop him just in time.  I’m in the wrong as he points out that motorcycle parking is the other side which is true but I don't think I deserve crushing for that. I move the bike and ask him if this makes him feel better he’s even more upset now and we later have an emotional reunion when I stand in the bag queue  with no bag.....what a rebel.                                               









Oslo Viking ship museum 100 Nokia’s free attitude and well worth a visit it’s like a couple of these boats were made yesterday you can see where Ikea came from.The presentation  is really good. Another hot dog sees me ready to hit the         Western fjords.










                                               The fjords day 6 route Oslo-Vemork 121 miles
                                                                Routes E134 37

So I’ve done a few miles already but for me this is where the holiday truly starts with a week pottering about the Western fjords. The roads begin to twist as I skirt along the fjord and I get used to the tunnels carved out of rock. The surface is really good but everyone still seems to be keeping to the speed limit.They must know something I don’t I say to myself and before long am seeing traffic police behind every tree in disguise! Of course there’s no one around for miles and the speed starts to creep.


Vemork.
Heroes is a phrase bandied around a bit too freely these days( I blame Bowie)but what this group of Norwegians did is truly worthy of that title. The factory they sabotaged to stop those fiendish huns from getting heavy water is straight out of the difficult places to get to book and the Norwegians not wanting to take the bridge clambered up and down a ravine placed the charges and ski’d away. Class, I got as far as the bridge before giving up so I don’t think I’d pass saboteur school but in my defence I’ve had a lot of hotdogs.

        hotel views













Tonight’s hotel Is a ski resort ,national park and is called Skinnarbu najionelpark hotel and was a half price deal for £50 including breakfast. It’s empty as it’s going through a refurb and is in the middle of nowhere but the views and tranquility are great. Dinner not so as it was 450 nok for a set meal so a quick trip back to Rjukan passing a dam and 1st cracking waterfall sees me at the kebab stall and 150 nok gets me a sort of kebab and coke.                          





                                    Dy 7 Dalen Rysstad Lyesbotn Hjelmeland 250 miles
                                                           Routes 37 38 45 fv337

An early start as today has the fv337 voted Norway’s best biking road which is some title to have and this is also the route that’s closed during winter and opened on May 20th which I’ve been monitoring on a daily basis thanks to the sticky in ukgsers norway section. It doesn’t disappoint it has a bit of everything at one point on a plateau the sun glistening on ponds either side with ice melting in them and the road goes of into the distance with a series of blind dips y’know the ones that tickle the tummy. The fine could be calculated by Diane Abbot but there’s no way you’re missing this then a mobile home appears from out of the dips.

                                                           

                                                 The FV377 and yes I know I'm going slow
         

The answer to all this speeding nonsense is they’ve farmed it out to the Dutch. Who in turn have given their citizens camper vans and said “go and see what mountains look like but do it slowly” They’re everywhere and the speed they go they must all have 6 months off.

                        It was still good some photos were taken by a load of stacked rocks

  Then on to Lysebotn and it’s 27 bends. Yodagoat on his Norway trip blog has a “ calm the f*ck down Norway” moment over the beauty of this place and I’ve just joined his cry at the Lysebotn viewing point/ cafe. I wait for a clear run and have a great time getting down.the tunnel at the bottom added to the fun and I pulled up 2 hours early for the ferry. Picked a shady spot and got a brew on.

                                                       

brew on feet up

the view to the right

The Lysebotn Forsand ferry

If you book with kolumbus it’s 159 Nok as opposed to the 450 the flam site was quoting the difference being this is more the locals ferry than tourists and it is fast as f*ck. The bikes tied down with a seatbelt type strap and it’s needed.This ferry only runs twice a day one being sparrows fart and the other 15.30 . It screams past pulpit rock and there are a few people with legs dangling over the edge.

loading up before take off

                                         

Forsand Hjelmelandsvagen Route 13
Off the ferry and over the bridge the roads hug the side of the fjord more tunnels and an hour later arrive at Hjelmelandsvagen. I stayed at the nokling hostel in my own private room shared bathroom for 450 nok. It’s a bit retro as in 50’s looking and has a few Polish girls and Argentinian chap staying. It’s near the ferry terminal for the crossing in the morning and a couple of supermarkets. Tonight’s tea consists of look what we found meatballs. They didn’t find that many and a second bag is called for.




             Day 7 Bridge over Chinese waters Hjelmelandsvagen Likholefossen 239 miles
                                                   Routes 13

Straight onto the ferry for a 20 minute crossing not offered any ties and there’s no need for them which is true for all the internal ferries I use. This is going to be long day but I’m in full wow mode now as this route snakes up through Odda and alongside the fjord. Tunnels abound some just carved out and others concreted and they’re tunnelling new ones everywhere.

I hear the 1st big waterfall of the route before seeing it. Not because of the road but being stuck behind a coach.Latefoss waterfall has replaced wow with f*ck me, it’s immense and the spray as you go over the bridge cools me down nicely. We all stop 60 Chinese people storm out selfie sticks fully extended I wait for a few seconds before they’re distracted by the gift shop and I get a few snaps of my own before just having a bit of a marvel.

Whilst marvelling away sat on the bike some one clipped my right foot whilst trying to get out of the car park . I nearly toppled over swore a bit and then wiggled my toes .Mr Magoo had made his escape by now and I just shrug it off.

An hour later Mr Magoo needs hunting down. My foots swollen up into my boot and hurts like hell. Norwegian road works have just turned up and when they dig up the roads they expect you to go over them. A rare change of rider mode into enduro and an alert tells me I’m in Ducati off road mode . I’m not really sure what this does but as I don’t fall off it works.

A lot further up the road another waterfall hurled itself off a cliff. There’s a lot of coaches here so it must be a good one.Tvindefossen has it all including a gift shop and toilets I queue up with a Chinese lady in front doing some sort of tai che. Turns out she’s desperate for a wee but has no noks. I gallantly offer her some of mine and she tries to give me 2 euros but I turn it down. Little did I know how handy they would’ve been later down the line.




Anyhow back outside I’m hobbling about and there’s a stream and I’m thinking how nice it would be to cool my swollen foot in it but at this point can’t get my boot off so as my boots are waterproof I just sit on the bank with my feet in the water. Chinese people take pictures of the village idiot who’s too thick to take his boots off.

Back on the road and soon on another ferry from Vangsnes to Dragsvik. The mutleystrada has decided to make the trip more fun by breaking the fuel gauge sender (it’s a common fault) and so I’m guessing I have around 280 KM’s a tanks and I’m around that now. The ferry pulls up and I’m first off and looking for fuel. I ride around 5 miles and fill up. I’m getting bolshy now and opt for a hotdog with bacon.Sat Navs on and it’s not making sense seems I have to go back the way I came.
Turns out this was the 1st ferry stop called Hella and we were all meant to get off the ferry turn around and get back on.Being dozy and distracted by fuel I’d missed all this. Anyhow no worries I get back on and there’s 2 pairs of Norwegian bikers already on. A couple on big hogs and one on a KTM 1190 and the other a Honda cross tourer. They ask where I’ve come from and I get the name wrong and also the one I’m going to.

The CSA get everywhere

Dragsvik arrives and we’re off. Until now I’ve been pretty conservative with my riding style but when the KTM and cross tourer set off it’s clear there’s some progress to be made. I follow on and before I know it am going up Guallerfjellet a series of switchbacks to the top of the world. We all arrive and can see the hogs making good progress up as well.At the top is a viewing platform like an open envelope you can climb up and get pictures. There’s a lot of bikers here the heats made them all head to the hills they tell me. A few more pictures and then a short ride to Likholefossen and Hov hyttegrend where a cabin for 250 nok awaits.

On arrival the Hog riders are there and we say hello and arrange to meet later. The cabin has no bathroom but has everything else you need.There’s washing machines and I get my Dhobi done and look what we found chicken stew on the go and settle into domestic bliss.

Later I walk around to the waterfall sit down and have a scotch. There’s a footbridge you can cross but I’m happy to sit downstream with my unbooted swollen foot in the river. After this I met up with the 2 Harley riders who are brothers.All being over 40 we forget each other’s names within minutes but they’re brothers travelling to their summer house and we share a couple of drinks and have a good chat. It’s been a good day.

Spot by the campground

                           Day 8 the mother of all fjords Likholefossen Geiranger 121 miles
                                                              Routes Fv13 E39 60

Today’s Sunday. You cannot buy beer on a Sunday or most other things. 121 miles to cover today so set off a little later. It’s all very alpine up here you can smell the pine and the roads are empty with the fv13 having a couple of switchbacks that take me by surprise before joining the e39. More fjords with a lot of road works which break down into just gravel for a few miles and I get to Ånda for a 30 minute crossing to Lote. I’ve been lucky with the ferries so far with not having to wait but in reality the Norwegians have this all stitched up.

Next leg sees me continue on the E39 to Hellesylt and the ferry terminal with supermarkets and cafes where I go to the front the queue and wait for the ferry down to Gerainger. A Fellow Brit jumps out of his rented car and starts talking with me and as we agree about how great the weather is a coach driver turns the wrong way down the next lane.

I can see what’s going to happen and make a dash for the bike. I’ve got it and am pulling it back but my tyre catches the side and we’re being dragged. The chap I was just talking with is banging the coach door and luckily he stops before the bike topples. I’m more relieved than angry and thankful for the help from the other driver. The coach driver is apologetic and oddly I’m not at all raging must be all this calming water.

We finally board everyone just going for it and I’m behind some big Victory bikes with tyres thicker than my old mate Diane and they’ve come from Latvia. They’re part of Booze fighters MC and when not off booze fighting I suspect they do a lot of pie finding . Not being worthy of even a nod we all go up top and the next hour or so is full of ooh and ahh as we cruise down to Geiranger .This is worth every penny of the 450 nok it cost and I look at the Ørnesvingen eagle road on the left with anticipation for tomorrow.

seven sisters waterafll

ever get the feeling you're being watched

Loud pipes save lives some some say. Others say it makes you look a dick, I think our fellow passengers were of the latter opinion as we had a rev fest before getting off. I’d not booked tonight’s accom as they don’t do email but I’d seen the views and wanted to stay there and beside it came with a free boat, who doesn’t want a free boat!

the free boat

Mr miserable is unhappy to rent me a cabin for 300 nok cash. Of course I only have 290 on me and go back down the gravel path to a cash machine. The owners of the hytte wants to go home so I rush back and settle in. A little while later I discover there’s non of the usual pots n pans and stuff you get with these cabins and I head back in to Geiranger for dinner after a quick row on my boat. it still lightish at midnight and I can see the parties on the cruise ship in full swing which are dwarfed by the mountains around them.

                                                Day 9 One eye on the Atlantic Geiranger Andalsnes  194 miles
                                                              Routes 63 650 E39 64

Early morning sees 1 cruise ship gone and 2 turning up. I best get going before the dreaded coach parties. The eagle road is great and has a good place to stop with a glass waterfall frame to help you get that perfect picture up and then along to Eidsdal for the 1st ferry of the day.

eagle road from the ferry the day before

Eagle rd a bit further up

Now if I was to change any part of the trip it would be this next bit not because it was particularly boring or bad it’s just I have this daft thing where I try not to travel along the same route if it can be helped but on reflection the Trollstigen was one you should make exception for. So tunnels around the 650 and along Storfjorden and then a ferry over to Molde.

Other bloggers/vloggers have said the trip to the Atlantic road might not be worth the effort but I think the weather plays a massive part in that and also for me it was nice to get out to the open coast. I stopped using the sat nav route I’d originally planned and followed the scenic trail. Little fishing ports and coves had boats bobbing about and all was good.

I’d wanted to get this on film and have an innov K1 fitted with front and back cameras which has the unique quality of managing to not record anything interesting. You may say loose connection I say shit. Anyhow it’s under the seat got my keys out opened it up and was soon back on my way. A few miles down by the bridge everyone films (apart from me) I double check. The cameras recording but the keys on my lanyard have gone missing where the clip is.

A bit of swearing later and I’m back at the last place and manage to find 4 out of 5 keys of which I record.The missing key is the one everything on the piliion seat is padlocked to. More swearing and back over the bridge and down the Atlanterhavs tunnel which you have to pay a toll for. I don’t mind I’ve found a Burger King nearby and intend to feast like a king I may even have some salad!

Full up and with no hotdogs in sight I head back towards Åndalsnes over a couple of long bridges which I substitute as that big Øresund bridge I missed.
Another 450 nok sees me get a nice cabin at Åndalsnes camping with all the bits and bobs and I buy a 4 pack of beer for 95 nok which is a bargain apparently.



                        Day 10 Epic has left the building Åndalsnes Flåm 239 miles
                                                     Routes 63 15 55 5 E16

So in the last chapter I was talking about the only bit I’d change and it was for this. I like to think I’ve been to a few good places but today’s route is probably the best days riding I’ve ever had. It started with a good run up the Trollstigen because I’d started early and was coming the other way to all the tour busses from Geiranger. It has everything this road including the obligatory bridge over a waterfall and the next turn up alongside sees you get the spray as you head even higher. The top has a great viewing platform and cafe then you plateau out for a while before heading down the eagle road and onto the ferry.

                                                             short clip of Trollstigen


Geiranger was packed and as I headed up the 13 it was tricky at times with the number of coaches coming both ways. A lot gave way but where you sometimes think they’re pulling over for you they’re just digging in for the next curve. Dalsnibba is a toll road which takes you up an immaculately tarmac road to a viewing platform 5000 ft up. It’s stunning My words can’t give it justice it’s one of those things you’ve go to go  and look at.

                                                      Last section of the Dalsnibba toll road

Down the last of the 63 and left onto the 15, there’s more fast running rivers alongside the road with crystal clear water as I headed towards Fossbergom. A quick fuel stop alongside hotdog of the day which was more a kebab dog and I’m about to go down the 55 on the Sognefjell Rd which takes you through a national park and is a great road as it gives you all the mountains snow and ice you need as well as going through a fertile valley it’s a real collection of the last few days roads in one.

I get the 1st delay of the trip here where the entrance to a tunnel has a workman stood in front of it and tells me it's closed for an hour. He then gets his chair out cracks open a can and suns himself. I follow suit and get a brew on. Right on cue the tunnel opens and the workman are all packing up and going home so we're off.The 55 ends at a bridge and you pick up the 5 which takes you to the ferry terminal after finishing off through a tunnel.

worse places to be stuck

The ferry takes around half an hour then you go through the fodness tunnel which is a few km’s long before you get to the main tunnel the Leardal tunnel.This is 24.5km long and has different coloured lights to keep you occupied. As I was heading through we got stopped at one of these brightly lit areas and told to wait 20 mins. I waited and the traffic built up behind then the convoy vehicle took off the tunnel was really hot and steamy and when I emerged I’d turned grey not from boredom but I think the tunnel had been concreted.

Another short tunnel sees me in Flåm and I’m staying at another hostel and get the key for my 1 bed room. The world is pine and there’s a good kitchen, sitting area and free WiFi on hand for 900 nok for 2 nights.
                                                          the world of pine

                                       Day 11 speedboats and viewing platforms

Flåm is another big tourist stop because of the railway,Nærøyfjord and Stegastein view point. I’ve opted for the fjord safari which is 2 hrs 15 on a fast rib boat and it’s a great trip. They get you rigged up in dry suit goggle and hat a quick safety brief and you’re away. The suns out and I think the skippers of these boats are lucky sods to do this every day. We pass a load of villages famed for manky goats cheese and how few live there, get close up to a waterfall and then hoon it back.

After lunch I go up to the Stegastein viewpoint. Out of all the routes I’ve done on the trip this proves to be the most diciest mainly due to the amount of traffic going up and down and lack of barriers here and there.Its well worth it the viewing platform stretches out across the Nærøyfjord I’ve just been up and down on the boat and although I’ve whinged about the heat I’ve been incredibly lucky with the weather and can see for miles. I finish up the day with a quick blast up the 50 and a few twisties even in the tunnels. It’s good to have a blast without all the panniers on and only a few miles back to the hostel.

                         Day 12 homeward bound part1 Flåm Stavanger 243 miles
                         Routes E16 13 49 E39

Today sees me leave Norway I’m booked on the Fjord line overnight from Stavanger this leaves at 20.00 so I’m going to go down by Hardangerfjord a bit of Island hopping and then a ferry across to Stavanger. At the beginning of the week I was stopping every few minutes to take photos of every mountain,fjord and waterfall and am horrified I’m getting all Norway’d out when along comes a new sort of waterfall at Steindalsfossen oh yes you can walk behind this one. 2 coach loads of Americans arrive in front of me I can’t work out if the coach has that dropping suspension or they’ve all had a big breakfast.




I’m no racing snake myself and with my foot still swollen I must look like Quasimodo goes biking as I try to outpace them up there for a few more badly taken snaps. I have a bit of a stand around also trying to look like I’m taking it all in and not going ooh ooh ooh like a w*nking chimp over the pain in my foot and when I get down finally decide to do something sensible about it.

Not amputation but Biofreeze I carry a tube for another part of my slowly deteriorating body (the base of my spine) and decide to slap some on and it works within minutes. This is the stuff Jesus might've used.

Onwards then on the 49 which hugs the fjord and has a lot of smaller pretty islands which are mirrored back in the stillness and sunshine. Further down you’re back in forests more akin to the ones we have at home and the smell of pine and seaweed is a heady mix as you appear out of a forest road onto a small fishing cove.

A quick ferry hop takes you onto the E39 which is a lot tamer as fjord and forest gives out to farmland and the smell of manure. A couple of bridges later and I’m at Arsvågen waiting for the ferry.

This ferries quite a long crossing and is the most expensive yet. all ferries have been between 50-65 nok (apart from Hellyst Geiranger) and this one is 100 again no need to strap anything down then it’s 1st off and through the dunes a tunnel and bridge and down to Stavanger.

I get there at 5 and a lot of shops are closing but the bars are heaving. It strikes me as a really laid back place and I’ve parked up at the Vågen harbour where there’s plenty of bike parking for free and walked around to have a look at Gamle Stavanger for an olde world feeling and a reminder the shed at home needs painting.

Fjord line ferry
The terminals a 15 minute ride outside Stavanger. My biggest tip with this is book in Norwegian as if you choose the British site it costs a lot more. Anyhow I’ve got a ticket and cabin for the overnight trip.The ferry starts at Bergen and there’s a few bikes on already.

You have to secure the bike yourself and myself and the others new arrivals have to make do with some ratchet straps that are all knackered,twisted or broken as the good ones have all been taken. Yeah it’s another whinge but there’s no cable on the deck for you to secure it too properly and it’s fair to say all of us struggled to get them secure.

Ballast
You’ll have probably noticed how price obsessed I got about Norway being expensive so I’d prebooked the commanders buffet beforehand got my 25% discount and didn’t know what to expect. It’s at the back of the ship and you get an hour and a half to eat and drink everything! Carlsberg on tap and red wine to drink whilst half the oceans seafood is on offer including langoustine and then there’s roast meat,salad, dessert and a huge cheeseboard. It’s eat as much as you want and every fat bastard on board (including me) is at the back scoffing away. We set off as soon as we’ve eaten enough to raise the bow and I’m slowly rolled back to my cabin and stay there until 6am like a bloated whale.


                             Day 13 Homeward bound 2 the fool on the ferry         356 miles
                                               E45 Routes 7 206 5 431 495 71


It’s like the whacky races leaving the ship and we have our own Penelope Pit stop on a Sfv650 Gladius leading the charge. I’m quite happy with the view and we don’t hang about as we head down the E39 onto the E45 and motorway boredom commences. I get down into Germany and cut across to Itzehoe and then onto the Glückstadt ferry across to Wischhafen on the 495. There’s a big queue for this ferry because of roadworks around Hamburg but I go straight to the front and check online to see how much it costs.

€3.50 is the answer and I have that amongst the small change currency bureau I’m now carrying around. We get on 1st, a rider on a Daytona and another with a BMW side car combo gets on. I go to pay and the price has risen to €5.50 embarrassingly I don’t have enough they don’t take cards and he’s not interested in me pointing at the fare chart. I feel a fool but am saved when the rider on the Daytona offers the €2. The conductor looks at me like I’m sort of beggar and moves on. I thank the Daytona rider offer him a fiver in case he’s UK bound but he’s ok and says what goes around comes around. My mind goes back to the Chinese pee stop.

Still red faced and not from the sun we head off. The other 2 riders are going to an autojumble in Willhelmshaven and the roads are full of bikes I wave good bye and head for my final hotel in Bremerhaven more U boat spottery awaits.

Im stopping at the Hotel Haverkamp which has its own pool and spa and I’m the only 1 using it which is bliss. It also has secure bike parking which you pay €6 for. The U boat Wilhelmina Bauer is just around the corner and €3.50 gets you in. It’s a WW2 sub which never saw active service but was the 1st to be able to complete a whole mission submerged. It was salvaged in 1957 and used a training boat for the German federal navy. It’s worth a visit and later I have dinner onboard the Seute Deern sailing ship and have sailor labskaus which is corn beef hash with eggs.

                      The sailing ship in the background is the restaurant



Day 14 A bridge not so far Bremerhaven Arnhem and hook. 303 miles
                                                          Routes bothered

So after missing out on day 1 which time wise turned out to be a good thing I thought I’d go to this museum a friend had recommended at Kemperbergerweg it’s a private collection of bits and bobs from around Arnhem during the war and somehow Hitlers sofa has also turned up. It’s a bit chaotic lots to see and I prefer it to some of these more polished museums. €8 in and they have a cafe doing good Dutch coffee. I get to Hook and have a KFC as I’ve not had chicken for a whole 2 weeks!

the paras follow the same servicing schedule as me

The ferry loads the same confusion reigns over strapping down the bikes and I enjoy a cider as mainland Europe floats away.

                                                 Day 15 Harwich home


Not a lot to say here really went round the M25 and up the M40. Home by 10:30 dogs are ecstatic family manages oh you’re back and I start thinking where next?

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?